maybe it's not me

maybe it's not me

maybe it's not my heart that's in the wrong place

searching for the unattainable

never opening up

encased in steel and ice

advancing on others with a driving force of tortured sadness 

maybe it's not my head thinking of the next move

living in paranoia 

attempting to override my heart

rationalizing the demented affairs with others

saying such horrible things to myself and actually allowing myself to believe them 

maybe it's not my body

bloated and drowning my sorrow and filling myself with my desires

consuming more despair 

outraged that i am what others want yet others don't want me

constantly telling myself that i'm the prize

looking at the mirror but never seeing what it shows

maybe it's not my words stemming from my thoughts caressing my spirit into darkness

filled with seductive deception

lips dripping with cancer

no sugar coating 

destined to hurt only myself

maybe it's not me