Lullaby

Hey baby boy

I hope that you're sleeping

I hope that you're resting 

Safe and sound 

Hey baby boy

This love's like the ocean

This love's changing landscapes 

Forever unbound 

Hey baby boy

Our layers remind us

Our layers will fall

See light all around 

Hey baby boy

Fear can't control you

Fear can't withstand you

Just hold your ground 

Us

We tortured each other until there was no air left to breathe 

Our faces battered and bruised by the words we shouted

Hurling each other further down the steel pipe

Further into darkness

Unenlightening ourselves 

With each other's presence 

Forgetting you are me

And I am you

Disappointment filled our essence with the foul stench of rot

It's not dark enough yet

The emptiness

The misery

Self inflicted cries for help

As we began to resent each other

Time pulled us under the murky liquid of the swamp

We lay in the fecal matter of shame

Each thinking they did no wrong

No need for correction 

We can't even stand the sight of ourselves 

Because of who we allowed ourselves to be 

Let go

It was always more than friends 

And it was too much for you

Dueling like a Gemini 

You embraced me as you pushed me away

A feeble attempt to be what you're not

Refusing to surrender

To love

Stolen embrace

Connections

Relating

Don't let anyone see

Not even you or me

How we're stepping into love with one another

Every floor brings us closer

Pull away now

Don't stop

Beware the cameras

Everybody's eyes are on us

But you don't care

Isn't that right

Maybe in ten years

We'll try again

Walking

What if I wanted to kiss you

To taste your lips

What if I wanted to melt with your being

And become one with you

Together feeling the honesty 

Would you divorce your ego

Would you allow gratitude to become a lifestyle choice

We pride ourselves on new experiences

We pride ourselves on truth

We speak differently than we act

Intuition is masked as ego

By the ego

For the ego

Imprisonment 

We both fall

Yet the cry for freedom is audible in the depths of the soul

The aching of a desireless heart begs to be polluted with love

And we

You and me

Me and thee

Repel ourselves by denying each other 

Lifetimes

I met a boy

(I always meet a boy)

And I filled my head with thoughts of us

Because thoughts of us were all there were 

(Even when there was no us)

There is no us 

(There will never be any us)

But there could've been 

If he was open

But he was closed off

(They're always closed off)

Never wanting to take a chance on love

So here I sit

Deep in thought

Hoping the next time won't be like the last

And I try my best

(I always try)

To start each meeting fresh

But you see this boy

(It's always this boy)

He's always been a part of me

And when we finally reconnect

After lifetimes of separation 

The excitement can't be contained

And I tell myself

(I try to believe)

That this time I won't catch feelings 

But every time I meet a boy

(It's always this particular boy)

I end up right back where I started

Recovery

The body tried to see because the ego wanted to see 

I am at peace with knowing

The body tried to move because the ego wanted to move 

I am at peace with stillness  

The body tried to speak because the ego wanted to speak 

I am at peace with silence

I am immovable

Spaceless and timeless

Beginningless and endless

There is no want in me

No desire

All material wishes are of the ego

And I remain

Calm

Ego play

I recently learned a lesson on love

After the initial sting

I found myself 

Searching 

For something familiar

The ghosts of the past collided with the specters of the future

My ego reared its ugly head out of Dorian Gray's picture

Reminding me I still have work to do